Making of Chihiro①:the girl who wants to be a ‘man’

レシピ / RECIPE

As some readers of this blog told me they want to know what kind of person I am to understand the aim of articles, I would like to talk about my experience which led me to start this blog.

I was born as a woman and have lived as a woman.
But at the same time have wanted to become a ‘man’.

It started when I was five years old. I told my grandfather I wanted to become a first female prime minister in Japan and then he replied:


Impossible. You don’t know how grossly envious men can be, especially for women.

I couldn’t understand what he said but felt uneasy.

During my primary school days, such uneasy feelings accumulated gradually.
Female toilets are always crowded.
― My mother told me my surname would change when I marry.
Sudden period made my underwear dirty.
Sexually harassed by a stranger guy (he touched my body forcefully).
― A male classmate said women are too embarrassing to hang up with.
And every time I thought: ‘If only I were a man…

So, I acted like a man after I entered junior high school.
― told everyone I didn’t have any interests in fashion or makeup, always wore trousers.
didn’t join other girls’ conversations about what kind of boys are sexy.
― Always carry heavy things to appeal my toughness.
― Speak calmly to avoid to be said as hysteric.

When I was searching job, my friend told me I, as a woman, should wear a makeup to successfully enter big companies. I opposed her harshly, saying ‘you are too bounded by traditional gender roles‘. I never thought after a long time I found out that it was I who was bounded by the gender roles.

(To be continued…)

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